Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
