I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
