I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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