she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Watching her eat just hurts me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
