The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
