My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
