Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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