Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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