i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
