he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
