all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
