Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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