i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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