I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
