Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
there's paper in my vomit.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
