Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word

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(425): View more from Washington

I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.

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(830): View more from Texas

So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now

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