It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
