Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
