Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I lost the right to judge tonight
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
