I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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