he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
