Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
