Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
