Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
