I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
