I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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