If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
