Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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