and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
