this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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