It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
