so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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