Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
