i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
