My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
