This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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