and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
