No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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