I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
