as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
