i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
