The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
