I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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