Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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