I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
