He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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