I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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