I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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