he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
