well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
