My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
